I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
