Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
