do herpes really smell.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
