She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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