you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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