The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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