Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
