"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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