I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
