what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
