I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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