Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
