I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
