you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
