she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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