he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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