My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
