Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
