Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
