alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
