I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
