They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
