now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
