i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
