Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
