How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
