His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
