just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
