I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
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