I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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