Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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