she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
