Please, let me fuck your mom
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
