i would punch a child for taco bell
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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