your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
