Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
