I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize