never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
