WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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