I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
