Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Randomize