I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
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I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
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When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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