So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
