We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
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