i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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