My liver just broke up with me...
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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