I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize