when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize