After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
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