I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Randomize
