Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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