You smell like a Billy Joel song
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
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I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
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one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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