I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
