i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
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