Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
