no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
