A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
