Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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