so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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