I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
