that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
