Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Randomize
