Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
