im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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