Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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