its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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