either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
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