Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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