The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
