True but thats because hes a fetus.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
