Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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