u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
