I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
