If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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