I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I want to fling myself into the sun
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize