Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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