This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
