I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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