Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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