I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
