I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Randomize
