very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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