Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i barfeds in our rink
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
