Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
