let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Randomize
