i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
