I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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