He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
